Confrontation and Small Business

Whenever we think of confrontation, we assume it’s this terrible thing we should avoid at all costs. Confrontation has its place in the workplace, but more than that, it’s an unavoidable part of life in any active relationship you have, professional or personal.

Confrontation isn’t always fights or arguments. Sometimes it looks like standing up for yourself in getting fair treatment at your job, making sure your ideas are heard and not ignored, standing up for a client, or taking care of conflict issues in a productive way. Learning how to handle confrontation productively is an essential skill you should know. Not only for yourself but for those you work with as well.

Why do we fear confrontation?

Our fear and desire to avoid confrontation can come from many sources. For most people, it can come from past negative experiences with confrontation, where the situation only got worse, their voice was ignored, or they’ve been taught and trained to use confrontation-avoidant behavior to be seen as more appealing and agreeable.

Confrontation also gets connected to negative emotions or concepts that people tend to try to avoid, such as “anger or hostility, thinking on our feet, the possibility of getting railroaded, potential rejection, or the worry we won’t be able to control our emotions”.

Confrontation can be nerve-wracking, but if you avoid confronting people or situations for short-term comfort, you risk causing long-term issues that can negatively affect you and the others involved. It could let issues build quietly, allowing miscommunication to linger and unresolved issues to leak into other aspects of work.

What should we avoid when engaging in confrontation?

1. Don’t be a people-pleaser

This tends to be an issue women tend to develop, but it’s something everyone has had trouble with. It is a learned behavior where you put others' needs, desires, and emotions above your own, and people tend to let many things slide because of it. This causes people to struggle with advocating for themselves and ensuring their needs are met. People pleasing is one of the biggest ways people try to avoid conflict and not confront issues, but it’s not impossible to learn how to break out of it. .

2. Don’t think of confrontation as something negative.

When we have a negative connotation about something before we act, the results tend to follow that train of thought because that’s what we’ve set ourselves up for. Being able to confront issues correctly can be a good sign of maturity, allows honesty, and can make you more respectable.

How to confront something or someone proactively.

1. Analyze the situation.

Take time to look at the situation or conflict at hand. You cannot confront something or someone if you don’t know or have clarity on what’s going on or what’s causing the conflict. Ask yourself questions such as: What caused this conflict? Are the emotions you’re feeling proportional to the situation, or are they exaggerated? Who or what are you upset with? How can this conflict be resolved? Taking time to analyze what’s going on can help you gather important information on why the conflict is happening in the first place, help you get a handle on your emotions, and give you time to plan the best approach to confront the person or situation at hand.

2. Separate the people from the conflict.

Let's say you’re in a conflict with a coworker about some form of miscommunication that has been going on that’s affected projects at work, and something is now overdue. In the heat of the moment, you may want to go to the coworker and get angry at their lack of communication, or they’re not getting work done. The coworker is not the problem, though. The miscommunication is. If you go at them and focus on them as the problem, then you won’t solve the issue itself, and it could have a negative impact on the professional relationship with that coworker.

Instead, focus on the issue itself, miscommunication. Instead of saying, “You haven’t been updating us on your work.”, say, “There seems to be some miscommunication between us regarding the projects. Let's take a second to figure out what we can do to figure out how to work on this.” Taking a moment to figure out the real problem opens doors for clear communication, teamwork, and productive conflict resolution.

3. Actively listen to others.

Take the time to truly listen to others to get their points of view and input on issues at hand. When confronting an issue with others, their view is as important as yours, and you need to work with them to find a solution. Clarke University has this helpful prompt for active listening when facing confrontation:

I feel (how you feel) When you (objective description of their behavior) Because (impact consequences of the behavior) I would like (a solution to prevent this issue from happening in the future).

4. Remain calm.

One of the most important things to do when confronting an issue with someone is to remain calm while doing it. Your emotional reaction to handling the situation can either escalate or deescalate the situation entirely. If you come to the conversation and lash out with anger, then you open the floodgates to the other people also lashing out and creating a hostile environment. If you remain calm and level-headed, you can communicate clearly, and the other person won’t be more likely to react with negative emotions.

For more tips on how to confront a situation or person correctly, check out these articles:

• • Confrontation Resources
• • How to Handle Conflict at Work
• • 5 Critical Steps to Fearless Confrontation

We hope this article helped you see the importance of using confrontation to your advantage and learned some helpful ways to do so properly. If you need more assistance in implementing valuable skills such as this into your small business, Comprehensive Consulting Solutions for Small Businesses is here to help!